How to Address Concerns with Your Nanny: Best Practices for Respectful and Productive Conversations

Having a nanny is a uniquely personal working relationship—your nanny is not just an employee, but a trusted caregiver in your home. So when concerns arise, it’s understandable to feel uneasy about bringing them up. But avoiding the conversation can lead to confusion, resentment, or even a breakdown in the relationship. The key is to communicate clearly, respectfully, and in person. Here's how to navigate these conversations in a way that encourages collaboration and strengthens your partnership.

1. Reflect Before You React

Before approaching your nanny, take a moment to consider what’s bothering you. Is this a one-time issue or something that’s happened repeatedly? Have expectations been clearly communicated in the past? Writing down your concerns can help organize your thoughts and ensure the conversation is focused.

2. Always Talk In Person—Not Over Text

While texting is convenient, it’s not the right format for addressing sensitive topics. Tone can easily be misinterpreted, and written words don’t allow for the empathy or nuance that a face-to-face conversation provides. Set aside time for an in-person conversation, or a video call if meeting in person isn’t possible.

3. Pick the Right Time and Place

Avoid addressing concerns in the middle of a busy moment or when emotions are high. Instead, schedule a time to talk privately when you can both give the conversation your full attention—ideally when the children are occupied or not present.

4. Start with Appreciation

Begin by highlighting what your nanny does well. Acknowledging their positive contributions can help ease tension and create a cooperative tone. It also reinforces that your intention is to strengthen—not criticize—the relationship.

5. Be Clear, Specific, and Respectful

Use clear examples when bringing up concerns. Instead of saying, “You’re always late,” say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve arrived 10–15 minutes late a few times this week, and it’s impacted our morning routine.” Stick to facts, avoid assumptions, and focus on how the behavior affects the family or the children.

6. Listen to Their Perspective

Give your nanny space to respond. There may be underlying reasons or misunderstandings you're unaware of. A two-way dialogue shows mutual respect and often leads to solutions that work for everyone.

7. Work Together on a Solution

Discuss what steps can be taken to move forward. Ask your nanny for their input and set clear expectations together. If needed, follow up with a brief email summarizing what was discussed so everyone is on the same page.

8. Reach Out to Select Sitters for Support

If you’re unsure how to approach the conversation or want help thinking through the best way to bring something up, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Select Sitters. We’re more than happy to set up a call, help mediate, or simply serve as a sounding board as you navigate the situation.

9. Follow Up

After the initial conversation, check in after a week or two. If things have improved, be sure to express your appreciation. If the issue persists, another discussion—or additional support—may be needed.

Difficult conversations are never easy, but when handled with care and direct communication, they can lead to stronger relationships and better outcomes for your children. And remember—you don’t have to navigate it alone. At Select Sitters, we’re always here to support you.

To set up a time to talk with our team, email us at info@theselectsitters.com.